Before and after. One sentence, edited in the open.
Today’s specimen is the kind of sentence every injury lawyer finds in the mailbox. This one is invented, but you have read it a hundred times:
“Please be advised that, pursuant to our ongoing investigation and evaluation of the above-referenced matter, it has been determined that liability on the part of our insured cannot be conceded at this time, inasmuch as the available documentation is insufficient to substantiate the damages that have been alleged by your client.”
Fifty-four words. Zero information you did not already know. Let’s operate.
Pass One: Cut the Throat-Clearing.
“Please be advised that” advises nothing. “Pursuant to” is a bow tie on a shrug. “The above-referenced matter” refers to the matter the letter is already about. Delete the curtsies:
“After investigating, it has been determined that liability cannot be conceded at this time, as the documentation is insufficient to substantiate the alleged damages.”
Twenty-three words. Same fog, less of it.
Pass Two: Un-bury the Verbs.
Now find the actors. “It has been determined.” Determined by whom? “Cannot be conceded.” Who is refusing? The passive voice is a getaway car: the decision happened, but nobody was driving. Put a person in every verb:
“We investigated. We will not accept liability, because your documents do not prove the damages.”
Sixteen words, and suddenly there is a we on the hook for the decision.
Pass Three: Say the Actual Message.
“We looked at your file. We are not paying. Prove it.”
Eleven words. That is what the letter always said. The other forty-three existed to keep you from noticing, and to keep any specific human being from owning the no.
Why It Matters.
Fog is not bad writing. Fog is strategy. Its job is to hide the actor, soften the refusal, and burn your afternoon. Learning to strip a sentence to its skeleton is how you read the other side, and it is how you write your own demands: an actor in every sentence, a verb doing real work, a message that survives being said out loud.
The move: search your draft for “it has been” and “there is.” Every one is a driverless car. Name the driver.